My sense of reality is distorted and causing me to do bad behaviors because of online blackjack.

I did everything I could to not lose my bankroll while losing through dozens of shoes through dozens of hours.

I’ve been watching videos of how evil gambling is, how the odds are against the player always, and how many lives are ruined as a result.

But every time I open up this blue table, people are getting blackjacks multiple times per dealer, and are winning all their hands. Either those players are employees, like the one who got 10 blackjacks in two shoes, while I was getting 16 every time. I didn’t even get 11 or 10 nearly as many times as these people playing just as long.

That’s why I never bet big on this thing even during high true counts, which was infrequent at best, because I knew how hard the game was. Also, the 10 times I ‘won’ then lost everything happened at the same point. I would get to 1000 dollars, then start losing for hours and hours and hours dealer after dealer shoe after shoe.

I saw one guy auto resetting 100 dollars every hand (and you only get 7 hands in these shoes) as if it wasn’t going to eat him alive like it did me. Literally two days straight 20 hours of 15 and 16 no pairs no playable spots no nothing except loss.

So on the one hand you have myself, who stole money and committed a felony years ago because of gambling, who has lost 10 years of his life and 100,000 dollars to online gambling, all the resources online depict it as an evil enterprise comprised of lies and deceit and suffering, but then on the other you have these winners on the online blue table winning thousands of dollars?

I can’t tell my parents and I have no friends anymore because I’m a degenerate loser with no job, no money. The only thing I have is my apartment and I will lose that soon because I don’t have money.

The only way I can rebuild my life is if I disconnect this illusory delusion of being a winner in life gambling. Everyone always laughs in my face when I talk about card counting and gambling and all this business. I’m clinging onto an illusion that isn’t real.

I literally just saw this guy stand on 9-2 vs 20 with 200 bet on the table. This CAN’T be real. This is the guy whose been winning 6/7 hands the last 2 shoes betting 100-200 dollars each time and not lowering the bet.

It just doesn’t make sense anymore….these players don’t even alter their bets they just bet the same large amount every time you would need like 20 thousand dollars to be able to do that especially if you come even close to what I experienced on there.

And almost forgot…THEY DON’T SHUFFLE THE CARDS IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA. I never thought about it when I was winning assuming a fair game…they bring the shoe of cards from off camera then stick it in the device.

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